#16 Unfortunately, my same-sex attraction does not make sense from a narrow, sexual perspective

chairsThere are some facts about my sexuality that I find troubling, but I have to live with it and make sense of it. I find it unfortunate that from a narrow, sexual perspective, my strong homosexual feelings do not make sense. I say “unfortunate” not because I think my feelings should be somehow, by a twist of logic, turned into something sensical, since that’s impossible. Instead, I say “unfortunate” simply because my homosexual feelings are undeniable but at the same time they are from that narrow perspective useless.

That may be one of the reasons why people with same-sex attraction feel broken or like a failure or a mistake. It is all nice and dandy to think about having a boyfriend with whom I could have a deep personal and spiritual bond, but when it comes down to the basic, sexual level, there is no obvious, straightforward purpose in physical intimacy between two men or two women.

My homosexual feelings tell me that my sexual intimacy with another man can serve a purpose, but looking from an honest, impartial perspective, clearly the only possible purpose is the achievement of satisfaction, period. On the other hand, sexual intimacy between a man and a woman has an element of pleasure and satisfaction, but it goes nicely beyond that. As we all know, satisfaction created during intimacy between two people of the opposite sex, although to a degree an end in itself, is also a very concrete means of conceiving a new human being.

Something is missing

One may argue that in contemporary society even homosexual couples can have children through various ways or means. One can also argue that those ways and means are often utilized for the purpose of creation of a new life not just by gay couples, but even more so by straight couples that cannot conceive a baby on their own.

Still, that does not negate the fact that those other ways and means for conception of a new human life in their essence are not of an intimate, sexual nature.

We can push this notion to the extreme and say that even in cases of homosexual relationships there is a possibility that the creation of a new human life is to a degree of a sexual nature for at least one of the partners through artificial insemination or substitute mothering. But in such cases we must admit that in the process something is missing for both partners. And if we want to make up for what is not there by human effort, we get ourselves into ever so desperate attempts to achieve an ideal that isn’t possible because of limitations imposed on us by God or nature.

Because of that sheer fact, the only sexual relationship that I genuinely find commonsensical is a relationship between a man and a woman.

Sexuality taken for granted

After facing harsh reality, one can further defend homosexual intimacy by saying that it doesn’t matter if gay partners cannot achieve that ideal, because the only thing that matters is a new child. On the surface, that may be true. But the real reasons for powerful gratification during sexual intimacy and sexual intimacy’s obvious and direct link to conception of a new life are still virtually unknown to man. If that link doesn’t matter, would gay couples be willing to forever give up their pleasurable sexual intimacy if that would somehow create an opportunity for them to have a child truly of their own?

We take sexual pleasure for granted just as we take for granted some basic physical phenomena like gravity. We know virtually nothing about their true essence.

By using well known scriptural references about Adam & Even, I can try to make a case that it is God’s will not just to ordain a marriage between a man and a woman as sacred, but just as much to ordain “a marriage” between sexual pleasure and conception of a new human life just as sacred. But that is not something that a gay person who is not religious would take as a valid argument against homosexual behavior, so we should probably not use it as such. However, it is probably reasonable to expect a gay person who does believe in such scriptural references to understand the mistake in insisting on the divorce of sexual pleasure and the conception of a new life on the basis of same-sex attraction.

Advertisements

3 Comments (+add yours?)

  1. Tammy
    Dec 08, 2012 @ 23:05:11

    I’d have to say that one of the many wonderful things about lesbian sex is the 100% freedom of knowing there is zero chance of getting pregnant. The fear of birth control not working tends to add a level of worry that should not be there during love making. I know that is how it was for me and is for the straight women in my life.

    Sex is so much more than procreation and for those that do not intend (or cannot) get pregnant through sex can attest to that. Sex is also more than just attraction. Most people will tell you the sex is so much better with someone they are emotionally and spiritually connected to.

    I wonder if your difficulty in viewing sex as I describe above has to do with 1) not being with the gender you are attracted to and/or 2) not having been emotionally connected to your mate. I would venture to guess that the sex is better for you both now that the elephant is no longer in the room and you can get closer emotionally. Well, I’d like to hope anyway. 😀

    Reply

    • faithfulgaymormon
      Dec 09, 2012 @ 23:59:38

      Hey, Tammy, thank you for your comment. I have no problem enjoying myself with my wife whatsoever, both in the past and in the present. However, in the last couple of months, the enjoyment increased manyfold because my wife and I are closer and more spiritually and emotionally in-tuned than we have ever been. So, I cannot attest that me viewing sex I described above has anything to do with my sex life. It literally comes from my values and beliefs.

      As for the lesbian sex the way you describe it, those things that you see as advantages I see precisely as it’s greatest weakness. I believe that zero chance of getting pregnant is probably the most unfortunate thing of gay sexuality.

      Also, I do not look at the birth control the way you do. It is not that I’m against it, it is just that I find the purpose of the birth control pretty much the opposite to what is utilized for by ordinary men and women today. People typically use it to deny themselves the opportunity to have kids. And I find that approach more than unfortunate. I believe that the purpose of the birth control is to *plan* kids and to preserve the health of the woman in the heterosexual relationship.

      Reply

  2. Tammy
    Dec 11, 2012 @ 19:00:37

    I think our differing views on sex and procreation have less to do with sexual orientation and more to do with the desire to have and/or expand a family. I know I’d feel this same way if my partner and I could procreate. I’m happy with our number of kids and have no desire to have more.

    Reply

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: