#17 My emotions make me vulnerable, and that is a birthplace of innovation, creativity and change

dark-cloudsWhen a man becomes aware of his same-sex attraction, it is almost universally a distressing realization. People tend not to like being sexually attracted to members of the same gender. Initially, a gay person can’t believe what is happening to him. As the reality of of the attraction sinks in, the person feels broken or a mistake or a failure, as if he is to blame for the feelings.

That is exactly what happened to me. When I had a first crush ever on my very close male friend at the age of 16, I was at first resolutely unwilling to admit that I indeed had a crush on a guy. At one point, I had a strong emotion of being in love, but because of a denial, I didn’t know towards whom I felt it. So, in a brief moment, I had a feeling at hand but I wasn’t able to locate a person that caused it. It was definitely the most surreal experience of my entire life. More


#16 Unfortunately, my same-sex attraction does not make sense from a narrow, sexual perspective

chairsThere are some facts about my sexuality that I find troubling, but I have to live with it and make sense of it. I find it unfortunate that from a narrow, sexual perspective, my strong homosexual feelings do not make sense. I say “unfortunate” not because I think my feelings should be somehow, by a twist of logic, turned into something sensical, since that’s impossible. Instead, I say “unfortunate” simply because my homosexual feelings are undeniable but at the same time they are from that narrow perspective useless.

That may be one of the reasons why people with same-sex attraction feel broken or like a failure or a mistake. It is all nice and dandy to think about having a boyfriend with whom I could have a deep personal and spiritual bond, but when it comes down to the basic, sexual level, there is no obvious, straightforward purpose in physical intimacy between two men or two women. More

#15 Church leaders cannot speak about gay issues the way you and I can and should

conference I believe that the church leaders cannot talk about gay issues the way you and I can and should. If anyone thinks otherwise, he or she does not have realistic expectations.

That doesn’t mean leaders are insincere in their dealings with us or that they are hiding something that amounts to evil. If anyone thinks otherwise, he should engage ever more boldly in uncovering their awful wickedness. Anything less than that would, I’m afraid, amount to the level of insincerity of which they themselves accuse Church leaders. More

#14 I’m a gay man, married to an exceptional woman. And you know what? I don’t want to be straight!

leaning-towerI hate when I reveal the key premise of a blog post in the title. I usually don’t do it, because why on earth would anyone want to read the rest of the text? I’d rather pick an obscure, bombastic line from the bowels of the post that has little – if anything – to do with the actual theme. That’s how freaking journalists crank up headlines, and I’m a journalist by education and vocation (for which I deeply apologize).

Well, this time I had to break journalistic rules. I ought to have revealed everything in the title of this piece, because I couldn’t find anything else as flashy.

So, yes. As you got it from the title already, I’m a gay Mormon guy. I am as gay as drinking milk in a cowboy bar. I’m married to an exceptional woman to whom I am completely faithful and devoted. I also have three beautiful kids. And I don’t like the idea of being straight. More

#13 In a twilight zone, impossible things seem possible, including surviving a perfectly successful suicide

twilight-wiresI think I know why people in Mormondom with same-sex attraction attempt suicide. I believe they are possessed by a particular spirit, not necessarily evil, although certainly ignorant, highly unpleasant and rather dangerous.

Let me first clarify that I do not write this in order to give advice to those who consider committing suicide. That would be too assuming of me. It would be very inconsiderate to be as blunt with them as I am planning to be in this post. Besides, I’m not a professional therapist.

I write these words in order to try to explain suicides among gay Mormons to their straight, faithful family members & friends. To quite a degree, the possessing spirit I mentioned earlier originates from them. More

#12 The youth is the leading voice in the reconciliation of faith and same-sex attraction

hands2It is amazing to see how stark the difference in attitudes about (homo)sexuality is between the rising generation and the generation of baby boomers. Here I do not think of attitudes that are unbecoming or hostile to the Gospel. Rather, I think the leading voices in the struggle of reconciling same-sex attraction with the commandments of God come more often than not from members of the Mormon church who are surprisingly young. There seems to be an inverse correlation between age and devotion in fighting for the good cause.

I am impressed by Ty Mansfield, Josh Weed, Joshua Johanson and many others, both single, and married young men and women who are in some way involved in the discourse about same-sex attraction in the context of faithfulness to God. More

#11 Only gays question why the water is wet and the sky is blue

water-skyStraight people almost universally take their sexuality for granted. “Why?” is not a question that comes to mind when they experience arousal. (If it did, that might even turn them off.) They don’t have the slightest reason to make such unreasonable inquiries. Why is the water wet and the sky is blue? Who cares, let’s enjoy it!

The philosophical questions about sexual pleasure  are more like a venereal disease. No one thinks of it unless he or she gets into contact with someone who struggles, wrestles or simply faces same-sex attraction. But even that isn’t enough. One needs to love and care for that person. Without caring for them, the fact and the reality of their situation is clouded by emotion of prejudice or lack of information which does not entice a straight person to ask any questions – only to judge, and harshly. The why of same-sex attraction is a tough question to ask of anybody, and especially oneself. More

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