#20 My wife and I organized an SSA conference for ourselves after midnight, as vampires awake

babyThere is no such thing as same-sex attraction conference on faith – like the one organized by AMCAP in Salt Lake City couple of weeks ago – within a parameter of about six thousand miles from where I live. So, I had to organize one by myself, which I did yesterday, at and around midnight. My wife and I are typically not in a mood to discuss issues of life until vampires wake up, and then it takes us greater part of the night to make some meaningful conclusions.

The conference attendance was meager, there was only two of us and our newborn who found it so boring that she overslept the entire event. It was obvious that the conference was necessary, since some tensions in our relationship have been building up in the past couple of weeks, nothing seemingly serious, but inconvenient enough not pass it by.

The main issue was whether I have started to close myself – again – towards my wife in an attempt to process my same-sex attraction all by myself. The theme of our little conference was very proper, I thought, because it was pretty much exactly what I was doing. More


#15 Church leaders cannot speak about gay issues the way you and I can and should

conference I believe that the church leaders cannot talk about gay issues the way you and I can and should. If anyone thinks otherwise, he or she does not have realistic expectations.

That doesn’t mean leaders are insincere in their dealings with us or that they are hiding something that amounts to evil. If anyone thinks otherwise, he should engage ever more boldly in uncovering their awful wickedness. Anything less than that would, I’m afraid, amount to the level of insincerity of which they themselves accuse Church leaders. More

#13 In a twilight zone, impossible things seem possible, including surviving a perfectly successful suicide

twilight-wiresI think I know why people in Mormondom with same-sex attraction attempt suicide. I believe they are possessed by a particular spirit, not necessarily evil, although certainly ignorant, highly unpleasant and rather dangerous.

Let me first clarify that I do not write this in order to give advice to those who consider committing suicide. That would be too assuming of me. It would be very inconsiderate to be as blunt with them as I am planning to be in this post. Besides, I’m not a professional therapist.

I write these words in order to try to explain suicides among gay Mormons to their straight, faithful family members & friends. To quite a degree, the possessing spirit I mentioned earlier originates from them. More

#9 “Darling, you have a crush on Elder X”

missionariesThere are many things from my past – tiny little stories of hope, faith and same-sex attraction – that I would like to and will share with you. But not all good things happened to me in former times. Since my wife and I turned a new, exciting page in our marital relationship by me becoming totally open about my unusual emotions and her becoming totally accepting of them, we’ve experienced some precious little blessings in a moment that are just as worthy of sharing.

Through those experiences, I think, you will be able to obtain a better glimpse of how our exquisite relationship works. More