#24 “He descended below all things, in that he comprehended all things that he might be in all and through all things”

jesusThroughout my life, up until very recently, I was totally oblivious to meanings of what I now consider two very important words. One is vulnerability. The other is authenticity. I never thought about them as a crucial part of one’s happiness. Frankly, I didn’t think about them at all. They were simply not on my mental and spiritual radar.

That’s probably why I wasn’t as happy as I desired. Yes, I’ve seen the improvement of my happiness over the years. But not until I realized what vulnerability and authenticity are all about I was able to make a substantial leap in the quality of my emotional life.

The fact that I wasn’t able to grasp neither vulnerability nor authenticity stems from the fact that I wasn’t willing to face my same-sex attraction head-on. I swept it under the rug and thought everything is fine. Thankfully, through examples of other faithful gay men, I was able to carefully unpack my emotions and bring them closer to reality.

To call one of those men same-sex attracted many, if not most people would find preposterous. He is Jesus Christ, the Son of God. More

#17 My emotions make me vulnerable, and that is a birthplace of innovation, creativity and change

dark-cloudsWhen a man becomes aware of his same-sex attraction, it is almost universally a distressing realization. People tend not to like being sexually attracted to members of the same gender. Initially, a gay person can’t believe what is happening to him. As the reality of of the attraction sinks in, the person feels broken or a mistake or a failure, as if he is to blame for the feelings.

That is exactly what happened to me. When I had a first crush ever on my very close male friend at the age of 16, I was at first resolutely unwilling to admit that I indeed had a crush on a guy. At one point, I had a strong emotion of being in love, but because of a denial, I didn’t know towards whom I felt it. So, in a brief moment, I had a feeling at hand but I wasn’t able to locate a person that caused it. It was definitely the most surreal experience of my entire life. More